Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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