Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
