I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
