Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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