drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
