That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
