Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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