____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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