I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
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you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
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I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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