I think I died a long time ago.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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