So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
