i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
