I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
