he thought i was a dude.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
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He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize