I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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