My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
