You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
