i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
