Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
