the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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