Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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