I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
