How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
