sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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