no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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