Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
