some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
