Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
