Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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