Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
