So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
