he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
