I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
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We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
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We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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