...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
