i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
