Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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