I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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