In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
