Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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