It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
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Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
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Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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