Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
