This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
