Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
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who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
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I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
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