dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
