turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
