I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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