I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
