I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
