whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
