if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
