I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I lost the right to judge tonight
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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