Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Welp...herpes.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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