Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
