Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
