You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
