this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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