belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
