When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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