I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
