Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
