whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
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I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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