Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
