We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
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Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
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On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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