I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
