i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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