I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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