Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
