Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
