is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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