The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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