alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
