I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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