Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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