You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
