I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
