she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I could make wine with my vomit
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
