You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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