weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
