What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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