i just had sex bonerless
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
