I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
