Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
