I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
