Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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