Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
